I love and accept myself.
Health, wealth and happiness surround me.
I am doing amazing things with my life.
These are some of the affirmations that I dutifully recited on most days for close to a year, after reading The Secret.
Goal oriented and written in the present tense, this type of positive self-talk is often cited by law of attraction experts as the stuff that manifests dreams.
But what if they don’t work?
In 2006, when I was struggling with anxiety and depression, the practice of daily affirmations had no positive impact on my life. I would even say that they had a negative effect.
Here’s why positive affirmations don’t always work.
You can recite all the affirmations you want, but unless there is an element of belief behind them, studies suggest that they won’t work.
If you already hold yourself in high regard, then yes, repeating an affirmation such as “I am worthy” will work, because your mind has the experience of knowing it as truth.
But if you are repeating the affirmation ‘I love and accept myself’ when your usual mode of thinking is to effectively ‘hate on yourself’ – the brain interprets this as a lie.
It knows, based on previous experience and thought patterns, that you are not in the habit of liking yourself.
As a result, your mind will often throw back “Liar Liar. Pants on fire” (or a straight shooting “That feels untrue”‘).
Depression is often accompanied by poor self-image and distorted thought patterns. In these circumstances, it’s not surprising that positive affirmations don’t always work.
I believe that affirmations are great for focusing on what you want, but not necessarily for making it happen.
Sadly, for some people,(the ones who arguably need them the most), affirmations can prove to be nothing more than a cruel joke.
A better way to get affirmations working for you.
For an affirmation to work, it must be attainable and feel real to the unconscious mind.
Sift through those limiting beliefs
If not feeling good enough is a common theme in your life, when this thought appears – recall a specific time in your life when you were more than good enough.
Immerse yourself in the specific details and in the positive feelings associated with that experience.
Let it soak in.
In depth research by popular Neuroscientist, Rick Hanson strongly indicates that with repetition, you can begin to eliminate some of the limiting beliefs occupying your mind and replace them with more affirming ones.
Use questions to amplify the power of positive affirmations.
If your bank account is dangerously low in funds – affirming “I’m wealthy and surrounded by abundance” isn’t going to cut it – or pay the bills!
It’s much better to say:
“I’m not wealthy yet, but I will be and I’m excited to get there!”
or “I don’t have an overflowing bank account at the moment but I want to!
What can I do this year, to ensure I learn all I need to know about wealth creation?
By asking questions (in an attempt to figure things out), the mind will always come up with, or begin searching for answers.
Just don’t forget to follow it up with some action, so that you behave your way to success!
Choose affirmations that are true.
Positive affirmations that hold true in almost any circumstance are also bound to be more successful.
Here are some of my favorites:
Today is a gift. I can’t wait to see what is going to happen.
I am willing to release negativity
I am so grateful and blessed that…
I’m exactly where I need to be.
I choose love and contentment.
The better it gets, the better it gets.
So what are your thoughts and experiences with using positive affirmations? Are you a fan, or do you avoid them?
Comment below.
beth says
19/02/2013 at 3:51 AMThanks so much for this Kirri, I haven’t always found positive affirmations to be of use for me, usually I read them, think about them for a minute and then forget all about them. Sometimes I find a really good card from my Louise Hay’s deck of wisdom cards that I put somewhere random (but visible) to reflect on. I am currently reading the Dalai Lama’s speech on The Power of Compassion and love his analysis of negative/positive thinking and gardening, “Some plants, flowers and fruit are good for us, so we use them and grow them. Those plants which are poisonous or harmful to us, we learn to recognize and even sometimes destroy.” I only read that last night, but am already thinking more about how some of my thoughts actual make me feel and it is pretty powerful! Why would we want to fill the soil of our minds with poisonous weeds when we can have a beautiful flowering gardens?
Kirri @ Kirri White Coaching says
19/02/2013 at 5:53 AMI’m a fan of positive visual reminders as well Beth and no doubt, Louise Hay would have some great ones.
Thanks for sharing those exquisite words from his Holiness. Let’s pull some weeds and plant some flowers 🙂
Sonia @ Natural New Age Mum says
19/02/2013 at 9:53 AMI totally get that! I have actually been reading a fabulous book called Change your Thinking and it is a real eye-opener. I have been challenging all those negative beliefs and it’s working!!
Kirri @ Kirri White Coaching says
19/02/2013 at 1:06 PMIs that the CBT book? I think I might have heard of it.
Sonia @ Natural New Age Mum says
19/02/2013 at 7:51 PMyes! can’t believe how life changing it is!! hubby and I are both hooked on it 🙂
Caz Makepeace says
19/02/2013 at 6:11 PMCompletely agree!! It’s not really our thoughts that attract what we want in our life, it is our feelings and are feelings come about as a result of our beliefs and experiences.
I too struggled with affirmations and my life totally went backwards. I think it was because I knew it was a lie and I love being authentic and focusing on the affirmations just seemed to affirm too much for me what I didn’t have and so made me a little desperate.
The thing that pulled me out was to eventually start doinig what I truly loved. Those great feelings I had because of that and knowing I was helping others as well was what turned it around and continues to help me now.
Positive affirmations have helped me to be aware of my thoughts and choose my words carefully. One of my favourites, which I am still using (unfortunately) is
My finances are currently in transition!
No lie, but full of promise.
Great post Kirri
Kirri @ Kirri White Coaching says
19/02/2013 at 6:54 PMExactly Caz. They are a great help for creating a positive focus – but there needs to be some action behind the intent.
‘No lie. but full of promise’ – Big yes to that statement!
Kelly Burch says
19/02/2013 at 7:15 PMGreat points Kirri! Thanks for sharing. I have blogged something similar myself about affirmations and I wish more people understood the need for congruency in what is being said and what is actually felt! And going beyond words and looking at how we FEEL, which is ten times more important.
I hope you don’t mind my sharing my thoughts here.. My view is that it all relates to the energy body, the emotions and sixth sense part of us. So in your example with “I love and accept myself” and the negative inner response denying it to be true, that response is an energetic reversal to loving and accepting yourself (it’s literally hit an energetic block and can’t move through you, whether that block is in your toes, stomach, chest etc). The potential for self love and acceptance is within all of us, it just may have been prevented by something in our past.
So in order to truly be able to feel that love and acceptance (literally for the energy of that sentiment to flow through us and leave us feeling good), we need to give the energy body attention in the process of using the affirmation. This attention shifts the ‘somethings’ in our past and makes the affirmation something true for us again!
And usually those things that we repel from is what we tend to need most, so please don’t shy away from things just because they don’t feel true for you RIGHT NOW. That in itself may be a message.
Kirri @ Kirri White Coaching says
19/02/2013 at 8:30 PMYour sharing is brilliant Kelly and I want to hear more – I imagine you are referring to the energy body and chakras? (But I am just guessing?).
Most definitely a conversation to be continued at another time.
I’m looking forward to it.
Kelly says
18/08/2013 at 1:12 PMI didn’t see your reply in February, Kirri! The energy body is not just chakras but something encompassing us all, our spirit.
We can use EFT/tapping for affirmations and they connect to our core and our energy and they have the best way of shifting the things that we are challenged by.
Lee says
19/02/2013 at 7:17 PMI am so happy you wrote this Kirri. As someone who works as a counsellor with many clients who have depression or anxiety (and someone who has had depression in the past), positive affirmations can seem mocking or patronising – a further reminder of perceived failure.
A positive affirmation needs to be truthful and authentic and believed.
Finding strengths in our stories and targeting repetitive negative thinking can bring results where positive affirmations fall short.
Great post. xx
Kirri @ Kirri White Coaching says
19/02/2013 at 7:50 PMThe thing that kicked this post off for me Lee is that I had a conversation with someone who had a history of depression and had been working with a Law of Attraction coach.
They felt like a complete failure when their affirmation practice was yielding dismal results.
It got me a little fired up and this was the result…I held back a little though 🙂
Lee says
19/02/2013 at 8:23 PMWhoah! That makes me feel angry too Kirri. And a little sick to my stomach for that poor client whose issues where being compounded. A perfect example of having to be very aware when supporting others, and to keep in mind that to do no harm is our first priority.
Kelly says
18/08/2013 at 1:14 PMThat would fire me up too Kirri. What we resist persists and ignoring negative thoughts or beliefs has them get louder and louder, saying “HELLOO!!! I demand you pay me attention!”.
Deb @ Bright and Precious says
19/02/2013 at 7:31 PMYou know I love this, right? This very thing is what I tried to express last year in a post called ‘Permission to be real’. You express this so methodically and eloquently though! It’s always been my hunch that positive affirmations don’t work for some people (ie me) and I have felt like the odd one out for thinking it. Your post makes me feel less odd now! xx
Kirri @ Kirri White Coaching says
19/02/2013 at 7:52 PMPermission to be real Deb?
I have held on to this post for a long time. I am not the boldest of writers and still suffer from a strong need to be liked at times.
Your comment just made me feel a lot less odd so thank you beautiful x
Grace says
19/02/2013 at 7:49 PMI’ve never practiced or believed in positive affirmations.
But I am on the search of finding a way to counteract negative thoughts. I like the idea you suggest if I’m feeling in adequate, to think of a time when I was.
Love this, Kirri x
Kirri @ Kirri White Coaching says
20/02/2013 at 8:12 PMI honestly think that by being mindful and vigilant of negative thoughts we are half way to winning the battle.
And yup, anything we do not want to be experiencing – feelings of insecurity, loneliness or self-loathing…the comforting balm to that is also right within our reach 🙂
Veronica @ Mixed Gems says
19/02/2013 at 8:22 PMYou’ve explained this so well, Kirri! I never considered positive affirmations seeming to be a “lie” before but it makes so much sense. I probably have hung onto positive affirmations at times but I totally get they don’t work if it is just a hyped-up exercise. We can’t kid ourselves forever! Many years ago, the approach that changed some of my core negativities was the principle of “renewing my mind” from the Bible. I went from a place of being “depressing to be with,” (so a close friend declared due to my overwhelming negativity), to a more positive space so I know I made progress. Still, I have some limiting feelings deeper in my heart that need some deep massaging to remould and change; a work in progress.
Kirri @ Kirri White Coaching says
24/02/2013 at 6:09 AMRenewing the mind is a fab expression Veronica. We’re all works in progress – every single one of us 🙂
countingducks says
19/02/2013 at 11:58 PMThis post of full of basic grounded common sense, and a reminder that you can make good things happen. Loved it
Kirri @ Kirri White Coaching says
24/02/2013 at 6:10 AMGlad to know it struck a chord with you Peter.
Adrianne Munkacsy says
22/02/2013 at 10:12 AMKirri, your “true” affirmations feel so much better in my body. I feel a release, as opposed to to those at the top, which make me feel all wound up and not good enough. Thanks for bringing up this somewhat controversial topic. I love your approach.
Kirri @ Kirri White Coaching says
24/02/2013 at 6:13 AMI think we have a tendency to place so much emphasis on our minds – which can lead us astray. I like to think our bodies never lie – personal truth can be felt!
Adrianne Munkacsy says
24/02/2013 at 11:38 PMOoh yes, I agree. It gets tricky because sometimes our mind has the power to affect our body (like if you think about something sad for long enough, it can cause you to cry). But if you can learn to settle into the body and watch the mind, you can find incredible freedom and peace and truth. When I listen to my body, my life tends to unfold at a much slower pace. My natural rhythm is slower than the expectations of my mind.
Kirri @ Kirri White Coaching says
25/02/2013 at 9:48 AM“My natural rhythm is slower than the expectations of my mind”
This. Exactly.
Penny says
23/02/2013 at 6:55 PMKirri, this post is perfect for my Dad. He has bipolar and has been reading and collecting little affirmations like the ones you spoke of for years. They have yet to sink in. I’m going to print this out and hand it to him. Your suggestions to help make them work make are perfect and just what he needs. Thanks so much for writing this, and I’m cranky that it took me so long to get here this week!
Kirri @ Kirri White Coaching says
24/02/2013 at 6:15 AMNo problem Penny. It would be wonderful to think my words might help your dad out a little.
Bianca says
06/05/2019 at 1:23 PMYes, I agree. And sometimes, we just have to let time allow us to heal.